In two weeks my vacation begins. Kids go back to school on Sept 7th. Hopefully I will then slowly recuperate from this idiocy disease which has stolen my mind and ability to function (of course I’m gonna blame the kids otherwise I’d have to actually admit that it was me and isn’t that the whole [...]
God I Love the internet. I was lying around, moping, feeling sorry for myself – this week sucked. Husband’s out of town so I have to take the garbage out AND put gas in my own car, the kids (on top of the penny in the nose escapade) are acting like a bunch of spoiled brats and if I hear “I’m bored” one more time I’m gonna pack up their bags and send them to live with my mother-in-law, paypal hijacked my grocery money for “review” for 24 hours because my husband used a different debit card AND I got another stupid freaking virus on all of my blogs. GRRRrrr – THEN – I got my google alert for “weird news” (yes I get google alerts for weird news, strange news, crazy news – it’s cheap therapy, laugh therapy that is.) and within 5 minutes I was rolling on the floor laughing, cracking up so hard I peed my pants (that’s CUSHIPMP) and even threw up a little in my mouth.
Of course if it makes me laugh it’s got to be a little off, I’m kinda warped. So I’m browsing through my weird news stories I get a glimpse of this:
AND
AND
there’s also the -”The Elvis” – Add some volume to make your member “The King”
-”The Hitler” – Channel the Fuhrer’s iconic ‘stache in your lady garden
-”The Donald” – Grow out your rug on the sides and rock a combover
What the F You Ask??!!
It’s a new book out for your summer reading pleasure – “Hip Snips: Your Complete Guide To Dazzling Pubic Hair” Just what I need more info on hoo-hoo decorating. Normally the words “pubic hair” would have had me running but the pictures had grabbed my attention. Here is the description for the book:
“The Isosceles Triangle. The Charlie Chaplin. The Rising Sun. These might sound like the latest wave of trendy cocktails, but in fact they’re three of today’s most popular pubic hairstyles. That’s right: Hip Snips will teach you how to look good and feel great by shaping your mons pubis into a variety of patterns and pictures.
Want to embrace your animal nature? Go wild with the Chewbacca! Care for something a little more sophisticated? Class up your lady garden with the Dame Judy Dench! Feeling insecure about your manhood? Behold the incredible trompe l’oeil effect of the Dong Lengthener! Whether you’re male or female, young or old, a veteran groomer or a pubie newbie, this illustrated guide will help you look hip between the hips!”
Ok, so now I’m cracking up and I see this headline:
Surgeons extricate hot-sauce bottle from state inmate
Inmates get hot sauce AND private showers??!! Anyway,
“An inmate in a state prison was hospitalized and needed emergency surgery to remove a hot-sauce bottle he apparently had used as a sex device.
Taxpayers will end up paying the prisoner’s medical bills, expected to run into the thousands of dollars.”
So to all you crazy morons out there, I thank you for making me smile!!
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May 2, 2010 | Reply
Oh, for crying out loud. I gotta worry enough about with the hair on my head. Now I have to style elsewhere?
Hope your next week shapes up better than last. Chin up!
May 2, 2010 | Reply
I don’t even take time to style my hair that everyone can see. I didn’t realize I was supposed to be styling elsewhere as well. One more area to feel inferior. I hope next week goes better. I wrote about the I’m bored last week and someone had a great suggestion. Every time someone says I’m bored, they have to clean something for 10 minutes. It stops the I’m boreds and you get something clean until then.
May 2, 2010 | Reply
i like the happiness quotation lol. made me smile
May 2, 2010 | Reply
Kathy – But Kathy you’d look sooo cute with the “Howard Stern” -
Anne – I just can’t imagine lying back in the chair while someone works on your hairstyle. I’ll definitely have to try your method of stopping the “I’m bored” – especially before summer starts.
Melds – I liked it too, it would be a good one for a magnet on the fridge. It reminded me of a sign my parents used to have hanging up on the fence around our pool that said, “Welcome to our ool – notice there is no p in it, let’s keep it that way.”
May 2, 2010 | Reply
How in the world do you style your vajayjay to look like that? OMG – I’m not that talented. lol… might just buy it to see how they do it!
The hot-sauce – really? I guess when your desperate, your desperate!
Hope next week turns out to be a better one for you. I hate taking out the trash too!
May 2, 2010 | Reply
Momma Drama – I just want to know who paid for the hot sauce. Another tax payer treat?
May 2, 2010 | Reply
You seriously find THE BEST stuff on the internet!
May 3, 2010 | Reply
That is so funny… reminds me of the Gray’s Anatomy where the chief doctor lady was going on a date where she thought she might have “relations.” Another doc encouraged her to get a waxing. She went, then came back frustrated and mad… they showed her a postage stamp and said, “this?” She said if the man doesn’t appreciate her NATURE then too bad LOL! I will stick to my nature, although that second picture is mighty fancy!
May 3, 2010 | Reply
I can’t decide which story is crazier. And “Ass-Murdering Hot Sauce” sounds a little too spicy for me. Sorry you had a sucky week. Nothing like a couple of jokes featured El Crotcho to make you feel better, eh?
May 4, 2010 | Reply
I’m just saying NO to hot wax or a stylist being involved around my “Lady Garden”! I do love that term though. I’m just not putting that much time, $, effort into that which will be covered with yoga pants most of the time. How much crazier does it get?
May 4, 2010 | Reply
I hope you have a better week, you’ve been hacked too many times. I love that first one with the ‘fro and the sunglasses. And the hot sauce one reminds me of a post that Nanny Goats in Panties did a while back http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/2010/02/when-we-went-to-tucson-couple-weeks-ago.html but it wasn’t about prison it was about ass kicking and hot sauce.
May 5, 2010 | Reply
I’m recalling the SATC episode where Samantha let her current beau shave her pubs into the shape of a bolt of lightning, then in the steam room at the gym came pussy-to-pussy with another woman who had the exact same design. The guy clearly got around.
I’ll keep my unruly bush just as it is, thank you.
And better hot sauce than a gerbil.
May 5, 2010 | Reply
Makes me wonder if Cher’s massive collection of wigs match her Victoria’s Secretl. lol As for my oval office style, I recently opted for a Bush impeachment.
May 5, 2010 | Reply
Okay, I am DYING laughing at Jayne’s comment. DYING.
May 6, 2010 | Reply
found your site on del.icio.us today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later