Slightly Sarcastic

I Don’t Have To Go Very Far To Find Crazy

Posted on26 Apr 2010

I usually get my daily chuckle watching the news. There’s always some wacky new gadget, stupid criminal or crazy professional to create hysterical fodder for my blog. For instance, I was browsing a couple stories last night and come across this amusing headline, “A Toaster Cozy For Your Butt Crack”.

Of course, I had to follow that link and OMFG what a revelation I had. There is a whole new world of body decorating and bedazzling I wasn’t aware of. I thought I was cool wearing a diamond stud in my nose but I’ve got nothing on the vajazzelers out there. What’s a vajazzeler you ask? Well, it’s someone who wants to shine up their vagina like a disco ball on a Saturday night – You wax it and then it embellish it with Swavorski crystals.

And if your think that women are a bit odd for bedazzling their hoo-hoos then check out the penazzler, that’s right, you guys can get your stuff bedazzled too. (but, I’ve got to warn you guys, if you got bedazzled lips near your stuff those are probably the only lips you’ll ever get near it)

You see what happens to me. I wasn’t looking for a post this morning. Like I said in the title, I didn’t need to look far because I’ve got plenty of crazy right here in my own home. I wanted to write a post about my lovely 5 year old Laila.

I put her to bed about 9:00 Saturday night. At about 10:00 she came out like it was the middle of the day and said, “mom, I got a penny in my nose.” I laughed and played along, “why do you have a penny in your nose?” and Laila says “I wanted to see if it would fit.” – I finally look up from the computer and see a bulge at the bridge of her nose. Then she starts freaking a little. So at 10:00 at night I have to get the other 2 up because my husband was out of town and drag everyone to the emergency room, which luckily we have a children’s hospital about 4 blocks from our house. It was kind of scary because it was so far up her nose the Doctor couldn’t even see it. They were talking about surgery. They had to call in the ENT Surgeon who was on call. He finally came in did a topical anesthetic and pulled the thing right out. We finally get home around 2 AM – poor girl is never going to live this one down.

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Dualmom

I’m intrigued with the vajazzeler….you know I would try that!

Kids will shove ANYTHING up their nose. I don’t get it…but it’s true. You lucked out with the ENT being on call. I can’t imagine it was a pleasant experience for her though!
http://www.smalltownmommy.com Anne

I can’t believe a penny in the nose. That sounds painful. At least the doctor was able to get it out without surgery. As far as bedazzled hoo hoos, I have nothing to say. That just sounds painful.
http://grampysworld.com Grampy

yes the little one’s like to experiment with what fits in the nose for some reason. As for the rest of the stuff I can’t understand why people do those things to themselves. Are they headed for nude beaches.
http://www.metallman.com Metallman

Hey there Sheila,

I’ve heard of the vajazzlers, again… from my wife, not too long ago and I was surprised by it. It’s like, why would you want it all jazzed up unless you’re planning on walking around the street without any clothes? I just don’t get that one. Not one bit. Later!
http://mymommadrama.com Momma Drama

Oh wow – a penny? That does sound painful and scary. I bet she won’t stick anything else up there! I’m glad they didn’t have to do surgery to get it out and she came out of it unharmed

I had to read about the butt things – that’s crazy. The vajazzeling stuff I had heard about, but never looked it up to see a picture – looks kind of pretty, but stupid. No, I would not mess with a guy that had it on him – sounds a little too metro for me.
sheila

dualmom – I know – there is a part of me that would definitely try out the vajazzler. The only problem is I’d want to go around and show everyone my pretty vajazzle!

Anne – I don’t think it’s that painful because they are just stuck on there – but I wonder what happens when they fall off and get stuck other places that are a little more senseitive?

Grampy – Maybe it’s like when you have on sexy underwear and you just feel a little sexier – doesn’t that happen to you?

Metallman – I don’t think it matters how you dress it up as long as you got one your man is happy!
http://contrariness.blogspot.com Grace

and I thought kids with odd things in their noses were urban myths – can you tell I’m not a parent?
http://cuteasabuggy.blogspot.com Buggys

Remember when your mom said ” keep doing that and it’s going to get stuck like that”? Well, it did! I’m glad it worked out ok in the end.
So, if you get vejazzled and then go pee, are you going to risk your crystals getting knocked off into the toilet or just drip dry or what? So sue me I’m being practical.
http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleah rebeccah

I dont even know WHAT to say about the whole vajazzeling topic!

But I am SOOOO glad your daughter did NOT need to have surgery and that she’s OKAY!
*whew*

Hopefully that’s the LAST thing she will put in her nose.
http://gayarabguy.blogspot.com/ Wilmaryad

Aww, poor Laila. Luckily, she didn’t swallow it like one of my cousins did. 2 weeks of his complaining about his ears hurting were necessary before my sleep-walking-in-daylight aunt got him to the hospital!

As for the genius idea of wearing your “mucher-thicker G-string” on your sleeve, nothing original. Britney Spears did wear her pink fushia underwear on top of her black leather pants, in her “A Salve 4 U” music video.

Well, while I always think prevention is better than cure (cover your assets if you don’t want them to bust out of your clothes), a girl’s butt crack will always look better than a guy’s. Guys always seem to have some sort of lint in there LOL. EWWW! :p
http://www.musicmovietreasure.com/ Music and Movie Treasures By Brenda

My nephew put a french fry up his nose, anything is possible including, apparently, butt crack warmers!
sheila

Grace – Definitely not a myth and in about a month I’ll have the bill to prove it

Buggys – I can’t imagine having any clothes on at all – they’ve got to get stuck on everything.

Meleah Rebeccah – She’s having so much fun telling everyone the story I’m kind of worried she might.

Wilmaryad – I don’t know why anyone would want to wear it, it looks awful – nothing sexy at all

Brenda -
http://www.alexshares.com Jenn B

I need the crack cover for my 12 yr old. She’s always got crack. So does my uncle but there isn’t enough cheek to stick the cover to.
http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com CatLadyLarew

Wow! Bedazzling your vajajay? Yeah, that’s another thing I can live without.
http://selfesteemblogforwomen.blogspot.com D

Ouch….I can remember when my son stuck a red candy licorice called then a ‘Nib’ up his darn nose….I, as you did…had to take him in to emerg, as it was so far up his nose that all my attempts to remove it did, was push it further. It was winter…8 pm ish and I had to bundle up my youngest also and drag our bodies all the way into town.
Oh what memories our little darlings leave with us ~
http://gayarabguy.blogspot.com/ Wilmaryad

Maybe this should be worn by people with butt cheeks too wide apart? :p
http://idothings.info JD at I Do Things

OW! I don’t know which sounds more painful: vajazzling or a penny up the snout.

I DO know that I plan to vajazzle my vajay-jay for our vacation next year at our favorite au naturel resort. Maybe the crystals will hide the razor burn.
http://thegoodthebadtheworse Linda Medrano

Honey, give that pretty baby girl paper money to play with! Much less risky! OMG! I would have freaked out! So glad she told you before it became a really bad issue! Dear God!

I want one of those toaster cozy things. In fact, I’d like to have a bundle of them shipped to me. There are so many chickadees out there who need them! LOL!

My vajayjay is dazzling enough with crystals I think. People are indeed peculiar, dear Sheila! (My favorite name, but the way. Both my Mom and my Daughter share it with you!)
http://recycledfrockery.com/ RE – Recycedfrockery.com

All I can say is “No Hot Glue” near my Vajayjay thank you very much..
http://www.weloveiowa.blogspot.com alicia

Wow. Very enlightening. And no thank you. Haha.
sheila

JenB – I bet those would look really cute on your Uncle

Catladylarew – Maybe if you decide to join a nudist camp or something

D – Kids ARE soo much fun!

Wilmaryad – EEEWWWWW!

JD – HMM – So you go au natural in front of a bunch of wrinkly old strangers so I don’t have too? Thanks!!

Linda – You’ll be known by all the kids in town as that crazy old butt crack lady –

Recycled Frockery – I feel ya!!

Alicia – Well, it IS a little strange.
http://www.redheadranting.com/ Jen

Bedazzling a vajayjay is just crazy. Who are these people?

You are right about not living a penny in the nose down. My aunt, who is in her late 60′s now put a sponge up her nose when she was 5ish. No one noticed it until she started to smell really bad. I don’t remember how they got it out, her grandfather was a surgeon so he probably took care of it. To this day the story still gets told, a lot. However, because of her story being told and retold my kids have never shoved anything up their noses.
http://gayarabguy.blogspot.com/ Wilmaryad

Since everything is getting bigger, including those toasters, coins should be made bigger than any orifice on the human body. Better yet, change should be made into gel.
http://www.shoot-me-now.com Katherine

OK, not that I have ever shaved anything at any time in college years, but if I had, I would assume I would have never done it again b/c I would itch like CRAZY when it starts growing back. So now I’m thinking… shaving, bedazzling… why would you DO THAT!!!

LOVE those Children’s Hospitals! Been there myself a few times!

The worst nose incident was when my daughter put a dried pea from the birdseed in her nose. It got stuck and was burning. Fortunately the snot softened it and I was able to finally squeeze it out like toothpaste.

I am SO GLAD you didn’t need surgery! WOW!!! Bet everyone slept in the next day!!!
http://www.silvergurl22.blogspot.com silvergirl

wow sounds crazy huh? how much that it cost? maybe this people are dancer in the club to show some nice crap

My cousin got a bread stick on his nose when he was 5 years old too, but good thing the bread is long and his mom got it slowly, but he cry loud..

How is your kid now?
http://www.lovemedaily.com Melissa

muahahahaha! How did she even get it up that far?! You think if it went far enough up, she could have coughed it out of her mouth? Kids are so inventive. Who knew sticking a penny up your nose would warrant a hospital visit or the possibility of surgery?

As far as the butt patches, I’d rather people see my crack than know that I wear stickers on my butt. I don’t think the inventor considered butt sweat.
http://www.thecurrentsituation.com Tony Briley

When my #2 daughter was about 4, her breath started stinking so bad it was tough to stay in the room with her. Brushing her teeth, mouthwash, none of it did a bit of good.

After a couple of weeks we finally took her to the doctor. He looked in her throat (and nearly gagged), then looked up her nose. Then he took out some super long tweezers, told her to be still, and shoved them into her nose.

After a few seconds of probing, he pulled out a wad of tissue that she had apparently jammed up there trying to stop her nose from running weeks earlier.

We all got a great laugh out of it, once we evacutated the exam room.
Carrie

I am still out on vajazzling but I certainly have an opinion on penazzling. You should read my post entitled “Top Ten Reasons Not to Penazzle or Scrotazzle.” http://wp.me/p1jYJY-4l Based on your posts here I would say you will enjoy it.

~Carrie
Carrie

I am still out on vajazzling but I certainly have an opinion on penazzling. You should read my post entitled “Top Ten Reasons Not to Penazzle or Scrotazzle.” http://wp.me/p1jYJY-4l Based on your posts here I would say you will enjoy it.

~Carrie